Ludlow's 95 Theses

I was asked (by Kathe) to pass this on:

Philosopher Peter Ludlow (Michigan) writes:

Here's something you may not have known or suspected. When I grew up my family went to a conservative Christian church and I subsequently went to a Swedish Baptist college in Minnesota. I recently went back to my home town and was sickened by what became of the family church over the last 20 years. The received view is that the conservative christians have taken over the Republican Party. I think the reverse happened. The right wing of the Republican Party has taken over the church. Nothing could be more clear to me. In a fit of revulsion, and with a nod to Marty Luther, I wrote up the following 95 theses on the relighous right: Download ludlows_95_theses_on_the_religious_right.doc In lieu of nailing it to the door of the Wittenburg Church I'm sending it to you instead. Not exactly the same thing, I realize. I'm not saying I'm a believer and I'm not saying I'm not, but I am saying that what has happened to the fundamentalist church is revolting.

Professor Ludlow invites readers to redistribute it as widely as they'd like. (Here is an RTF version of the same document.

Here are a few of the theses:

1. Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, when He said "love thy neighbor", willed that believers should show *compassion* toward others.

2. This word cannot be understood to mean mere lip service ("I love them, but I hate their sin"), but genuine concern for the welfare of others.

3. Yet the Religious Right has forsaken compassion for a doctrine of institutionalized hatred and violence.

4. Specifically, the Religious Right has taken the Word of God and wrapped it in the flag of Right Wing Politics, replacing God's message of redemption for the entire world with a narrow message endorsing right wing American politics.

5. Item: the Religious Right has neglected the teachings of Jesus in the gospel of Luke, where He instructs that we are to show compassion for the poor.

6. In place of God's words, the Religious Right has substituted a right wing political doctrine in which the poor have only themselves and their alleged laziness and moral weakness to blame.

7. For example, the Religious Right has rejected the needs of poor children of unwed mothers.

8. The Religious Right has rejected the cries for help from the children of impoverished families in the inner cities.

9. The Religious Right, has advocated fewer resources for the elderly poor and for the millions of children now living in poverty.

10. In place of giving to the poor, the Religious Right has advocated political doctrines specifically designed so that individuals may acquire vast sums of money.

11. The Religious Right has thus seized on a contemporary economic ideology as an excuse to ignore the teachings of Jesus.

...

18. Item: the Religious Right has neglected the teachings of Jesus that "he who is without sin should cast the first stone."

19. In place of God's words, the Religious Right has substituted a doctrine in which perceived sinners are to be persecuted.

20. Gays, for example, are persecuted because of their alleged sins. In some cases, leaders of the Religious Right have encouraged acts of physical violence against gays.

21. While the Religious Right has been eager to persecute others for their alleged sins, they have been blind to their own.

22. While the Bible counsels that a rich man can no more enter the of Heaven than a camel can pass through the eye of a needle, many in the Religious Right have celebrated the acquisition of wealth.

23. While the Bible enjoins us against pride, the Religious Right appears to be flush with pride in it's holier than thou stance.

24. While the Bible asks that we be slow to anger, the Religious Right is quick to anger -- indeed it appears to revel in anger and in fanning the flames of anger in others.

25. While the Bible counsels that we are not to be "revilers," key members of the religious right have consistently and aggressively reviled their political enemies as well as those who are perceived to be sinners.

26. It seems then, that the Religious Right picks its sins selectively, ignoring the clear Biblical message against avarice, pride, and anger, and emphasizing selected “sins” that have little to no Biblical basis.

...

31. Item: Religious Right has failed to see that God's call to help our neighbors also extends to our international neighbors.

32. International aggression is not a Christian doctrine.

33. Where the Bible calls us to be peacemakers, the Religious Right claims that we have no business trying to bring peace to troubled areas but rather counsels that we should use military might to secure our business interests.

34. Where the Bible, through the story of the good Samaritan, instructs that we are to help our international neighbors -- indeed, even our enemies -- the Religious Right counsels "America First".

35. But "America First" cannot be a true Christian Doctrine.

36. The Bible gives no special status to political entities like the United States of America, and any suggestion to the contrary is to simply lie about the content of the Bible.

37. God does not bless nation states, and if He did, He surely would not bless them for practicing international internal intolerance, and propping up corrupt kingdoms and military juntas that traffic in institutionalized poverty and violence.

...

65. Item: The Religious Right has paid lipservice to the moral development of children, yet their doctrines are antithetical to the interests of children.

66. They appear to believe that moral development can be accomplished solely through discipline and censorship -- censorship of thought-provoking materials and censorship of the findings of science.

67. Yet, as a group, the members of the Religious Right have failed miserably as parents.

68. Jesus said, "suffer the children come unto me," yet members of the Religious Right have physically and psychologically abused their children.

69. They have advocated corporeal punishment, and have carried out acts of indoctrination on their children which, truth be known, are as severe as those of any fringe religious cult.

70. They have made children to be ashamed of and hate their bodies, when they should be proud that those bodies are the temples of God.

71. They have lied to children about the nature of God's creation, teaching them to ignore the great beauty God has revealed through the biological sciences.

72. In place of that beauty, they have taught their children a theory in which God's revelation through nature is ignored, and an ugly doctrine of fiat creation is espoused.

73. They have taught their children to be intolerant of others, to be hateful of gays and persons of color.

74. They have failed to instruct their children in God's message of love and redemption and have substituted for it a message of exclusion, suspicion, and contempt.

75. They have failed to raise their children according to the teachings of the Bible.

76. They have utterly failed as parents, yet they presume to dictate how we should raise our own children.

...

83. Item: the Religious Right pays lip service to the authority of the Word of God, yet that Word plays little role in the treating of the Religious Right.

84. In place of the message of God's Grace and our redemption, they have substituted a purely political doctrine with no grounding in the Scriptures.

85. Rare are the references to passages of the Bible in the sermons of the Religious Right.

86. Those references that survive, are taken out of context and are merely used to justify preestablished political doctrines.

87. For example, there is no Biblical support for their views on abortion.

88. There is no Biblical support for their right wing economic theories.

89. There is no Biblical support for their campaign of abuse against their own children.

90. There is no Biblical support for their "America First" doctrines.

91. There is no Biblical support for their treatment of persons of color.

92. There is no Biblical support for their treatment of homosexuals.

93. In conclusion: the Religious Right has desecrated the house of God, taking a place of worship and treating it as a soap box in the service or the Right Wing of the Republican Party.

94. The Religious Right has likewise desecrated the Word of God, attributing to the Bible doctrines that are hateful, cruel, and entirely antithetical to the actual contents of the Bible.

95. Christians are to be exhorted to speak out against the Religious Right, as it is a vile heretical movement, wholly outside the teachings of the Word of God.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Wow."\\

Support Our Troops

And not by buying some stupid gewgaw.

By signing Wesley Clark's petition calling for an end to prisoner abuse, and an end to blaiming the troops for the President's abusive policies.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "A small action is better than none."\\

Jake Sent Me This

Does such a country as Belgium really exist, or is it an elaborate hoax?

Only one site, http://zapatopi.net/belgium.html dares to ask this question.

Well, how many people do you need asking a question like that?

The site also provides helpful links exposing other fraudulent places, such as Minneapolis, Idaho, Delaware, Vermont, Wisconsin, Wyoming, England and Winnipeg.

My first impulse was to immediately prove that Oregon doesn't exist, but gee, that sort of thing's been done, hasn't it? And once you have dispelled the Moon and the Sky, can making Oregon vanish in a puff of assertion be much of a challenge?

Kathe has always favored the idea that New Zealand is a work of fiction based on an idealized version of Oregon, but I'm thinking more in terms of revealing the existence of a state secretly admitted to the Union -- probably during the Civil War, when all sorts of irregular things were being done -- and maintained in secret by the Army or the Treasury Department as a useful place for doing secret things. Most likely, it's located between southeastern Oregon and southwestern Idaho -- after all, we already know Harney County is bigger than Oregon, as you can prove by trying to drive across it.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Go ask the Governor of Wallowa."\\

Kathe Sent Me This

and this

and this

and this

qnd from a random site she was passing through:

"Goats are stupid, mean, and hard-headed. That's why they're called 'Nature's Presidents'."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You know whose advice you can trust."\\

Fastest Flipflop Yet

To: David Reinhard, davidreinhard@news.oregonian.com

I have just read your essay on Social Security modifications in the Sunday Oregonian for 26 June 2005.

In paragraph three, you make an admiring reference to "a marketable Treasury bond". Then in paragraph five, you refer to the same instrument as "an IOU somewhere in West Virginia".

My question for you is: will Medicare cover my treatment for whiplash?

//The Magic 8-ball says, "What do you think?"\\

What Goes Around Sometimes Comes Way Too Close

Up here in the lookout tower above the house, I get a good view of light planes taking off and landing at Corvallis Municipal Airport, and the larger planes flying commercial routes between Portland and other coastal cities (in spite of the surprising number of flights between PDX and southern California which go through Salt Lake City).

[I also occasionally see dirigibles, PBYs, flying saucers and the Red Baron, but that's another issue entirely.]

Today, though, I'm looking at those aircraft with a little more leeriness, and the lookout seems like less of a sanctuary.

Air traffic controllers at Dallas-Fort Worth have been found to be systematically concealing near misses between aircraft under their control. The FAA at first denied that there was any problem, then admitted there was one, but said it was limited to DFW. This also proved to be untrue.

So: air traffic controllers have a culture of irresponsibility and connivance in concealment. Why should we be surprised? This is the brotherhood of air traffic controllers which was formed by Ronald Reagan's scabs.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "This actually makes more sense than blaming Clinton."\\

Corporations Are People, Humans Are Cattle

Might as well break out the branding irons now. The Supreme Court has ruled that any private property may be seized and transferred to any other private owner who can realize a greater cash profit from it.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Fortunately, I'm no mere human."\\

Andrew Sullivan is Right Again

[With thanks to Arthur D. Hlavaty]

"ALAN TURING, RIP: Today is the late math genius's birthday. Turing was a brilliant Englishman, one of the founding fathers of computer science, and a patriot whose cracking of the Nazis' Enigma Code was critical to winning the war against Hitler. His amazing work was rewarded by being offered the choice in 1952 of choosing chemical castration or imprisonment for being gay. Two years later, a broken man, he killed himself. Today is a day for honoring him and the countless men and women over the centuries whose gifts and dignity were obliterated by ignorance, oppression and hate, hate that is still being excused and perpetrated today. May those of us lucky enough to have been born in their wake never forget what they went through, never forget the cruelty and evil they had to confront, and do everything we can to prevent these wounds being passed to the next generation."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "That goddamn test was rigged!"\\

(Heart) of Stone

Sure are a lot of sites advertising "Hotel Gitmo" and even "I (Heart) Gitmo" T-shirts. One of them even dares to say that wearing one of their shirts will somehow "support our military".

Here's my prediction: Somebody's Senate campaign is going to be stopped dead by a twenty-year-old photo of the candidate, as a Young Republican, wearing one of those filthy shirts.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Count on it."\\

"Gitmo", How Cute

I would like to register, for the record, my objection to the cutesy abbreviation "Gitmo".

One also should not refer to Bergen-Belsen as "Bergie", nor to Lubyanka as "the Loob".

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Call it what you like, it is what it is."\\

Sign the Petition to Save PBS

http://www.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/?id=5684-1563499-t5bJ_bsqrODW7sIee5vXfA&t=4

I would take it as a personal favor if you would.

Thank you.

//The Magic 8-Ball says " http://www.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/?id=5684-1563499-t5bJ_bsqrODW7sIee5vXfA&t=4 ".\\

Things Kathe Sent Me Today

From various places:

1) "Besides, he's short! He's about two foot six!" (Tom Cruise) "Well, your body gets smaller once you get rid of those nasty thetans that were filling it up." Looks like Scientology dogma has mutated some since I last was aware of it.

2) "You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. How will you escape?" "Why would I want to escape? Come on, I've got a goat *and* a slinky?!"

3) "Lawless Republicans . . . they reported a bill as 'passed' 3 - 0, no quorum; what is beyond them?"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Go ask Kathe."\\

My Egyptian Name

My name using Egyptian Hieroglyphs!

Try your name

Script by

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Hoo boy, if you only knew what it really says".\\

Corpse Abuse

If I had decided yesterday to embrace the mitzvah of forgiveness and write off every dirty, cruel, selfish, shabby thing Florida Governor Jeb Bush had ever done, I would right now be hopping up and down denouncing him as a no-good son of a bitch, solely on the basis of what he has done since then.

He has asked State Attorney Bernie McCabe to investigate the possibility of criminal charges against Michael Schiavo concerning his reaction to his wife's original seizure, back in 1990.

Jeb Bush, this is . . . unspeakable. How can I convey how despicable your behavior in this matter is?

You are . . . .

You are a disgrace to the Bush family.

There. I knew if I tried I would come up with a vile enough epithet.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Even Uncle Vannevar should be ashamed."\\

Let's Talk

[Recycled from 2 September 2004 -- I notice it's still "current"]

Last night I had a most unusual conversation. Unusual, in that I was actually talking, exchanging thoughts, with a person, enjoying the process, when suddenly she declared that invading Iraq was a vitally necessary act, forced upon our government by circumstances.

Seriously, I haven't had much practice at discussing the matter. Hardly anyone I know feels that way. I was somewhat at a loss. In the event, what I said was that I thought the war was a great folly that had nothing to do with the necessary task of shutting down al Qaeda. I went on to say that regardless of whether the war was necessary or not, it had happened, that the only way out was through, that it would take years to extricate ourselves, &c., and that the most important thing was that we had to keep our forces well-supplied and well-supported, look after the wounded and the bereaved and minimize the suffering of all parties. I politely left out the phrase "clean up the mess that idiot has created for us."

I don't think she liked that answer, but it was the only one I had for her.

What do you think?

And yes, I'm actually interested in knowing.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Not until U.S. government policy changes."\\

Surah 9:11

[Recycled from 6 September 2004]

You may have received this e-mail. The text, and the commentary, are reprinted here from screamingpickle.com:

Screaming Pickle Is Intrigued



The following email has been circumnavigating the globe, referencing the Quran 9:11





"This is something to think about! Since America is

typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should

have read up on his Muslim passages... The following

verse is from the Quran, (the Islamic Bible)

Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of

Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of

the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of

Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced;

for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Note the verse number!!!!!"




Screaming Pickle Investigates



Our crack team of scientists searched multiple online databases which contain the Quran in it's entirety.

The word "eagle" does not appear anywhere in the Quran, the Koran or even the Quarahnne



Our scientists then went to google.com and typed in "online quran" to locate an online copy of the book. Here is the actual Chapter 9, verse 11 of the Quran



009.011

YUSUFALI: But (even so), if they repent, establish regular prayers, and practice regular charity,- they are your brethren in Faith: (thus) do We explain the Signs in detail, for those who understand.

PICKTHAL: But if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then are they your brethren in religion. We detail Our revelations for a people who have knowledge.

SHAKIR: But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.




Screaming Pickle Uncovers



This email is actually complete and total rock bottom crap.

I Suppose it's Possible

[Recycled from 9 September 2004, and I note that the bizarre behavior has only gotten worse]

I really don't like this thought in my head, and I feel acutely uncomfortable sharing it with others, but I feel as though I have to, so I might as well spit it out:

Do you think it's possible that George W. Bush's bizarre behavior is the result of his using cocaine while in office?

We know he used cocaine 30 years ago.

And 20 years ago.

And Kitty Kelly claims he was still using as recently as twelve years ago.

Now, I heartily dislike the man, but I really don't want to believe this.

But maybe it's not just arrogance. Maybe it's delusions of grandeur.

Maybe it isn't just stubbornness. Maybe it's frontal lobe malfunctions.

Maybe he's sucking up the white stuff in the same office where Monica Lewinsky . . . .

But really, I don't think it's funny.

And I don't find the idea to be "unseemly" or "offensive", either.

I find it frightening.

//The Magic-8-Ball says, "My black plastic body contains a glass vial, and the glass vial contains a white lump, but it's not what you think."\\

Top Ten List

[Recycled from 9 October 2004]

Back before the invasion of Iraq, I sent out an e-mail listing my top ten projects for the U.S. government that made at least as much sense as invading Iraq. I don't have a copy of my list handy, but it was something like this:

Invading North Korea
A Moon base
Bringing Puerto Rico into the union
That sea-level Panama Canal we've been promising ourselves for years
The next-generation space shuttle
Bringing Haiti into the union
Raising the Titanic
Invading Pakistan and shutting down their nuclear program
An expedition to Mars
Rebuilding Afghanistan

Note that I left out any "wimpy" projects like universal health care, alternative energy, &c. I stuck with things that I thought might appeal to the Crusader crowd.

I think back to that list, and how easy it was to come up with ten items off the top of my head, when I hear people scrambling to justify invading Iraq, saying, "Well, Saddam was a real bad guy, and it's good that he's in jail now, so that makes it a good idea we invaded Iraq."

I also think of a hearing I once watched, in which a crooked politician, trying to excuse his arranging a low-income housing contract for a friend's construction company:
Interrogator: Now, you were responsible for SleazCo getting the contract for this project.
Pol: Yes, and the people who are living there now are glad I did.

Never mind that twice as many people could have been housed with that money -- let's look on the bright side.

*sigh* Darn it, I've been thinking about Iraq again. Can anybody recommend a good comedy to rent?

//The Magic 8-ball says, "I [heart] Huckabees."\\

Bolo Ties Prohibited

Thomas Benya is barred from graduation ceremonies at McDonough High School in Pomfret, Maryland, for wearing a bolo tie under his gown.

This kid needs to get the state of Arizona on the case.

I don't know if it's true, but I've always been fond of the story that the Kansas state legislature once included the western meadowlark on a list of "public nuisance" animals. Nebraska responded to this treatment of their state bird by declaring the sunflower a "noxious weed".

Maybe Arizona should prohibit the serving of striped bass at graduation dinners.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I am the official divinatory tool of the state of New Jersey."\\

Apologies to Katherine Harris

All this time, I've been stewing with loathing for Katherine Harris as the architect of the disenfranchisement of African American voters in Florida in 2000.

But judging by her performance before the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, she doesn't know enough about electoral politics to mastermind such a scheme.

She couldn't even manage to file to run for office correctly.

So, now that I know that ex-Secretary of State, current Congresswoman and would-be Senator Harris is the sort who fertilizes her garden with shinola, I offer my apologies to her.

The poor sap.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What you askin' me for?"\\

Hammer

[Recycled from 14 September 2004]

Kathe, the light of my life these past 20 years, is very fond of making things, and of making things work.

In one memorable incident, she finished rewiring a circuit, turned on the light and saw that it was in fact correct, gave a Tarzan yell and said, "Everything in this hosue that works, works because I made it work!"

And she's right. When she bought he house (about 10 years before we met), it was a wreck.

The other day, I saw an episode of _Modern Marvels_ on the History Channel which was devoted to the neglected marvel of hand tools, and especially "the king of tools": the hammer.

They even quoted one of Kathe's favorite proverbs: "By hammer and hand do all things stand".

[Follow-up: For Christmas 2004, I bought her a new hammer, with her name and that motto engraved on the steel shank.]

//The Magic 8-ball says, "Love can be expressed in many ways."\\

The Downing Street Memo

Please,

please,

please actually go and read the damned thing.

Okay?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The answer you seek is here."\\

Long Underwear

In June?

We're getting our longies out in June?

But the gray, chilly day outside doesn't care that it's June, so we're firing up the oil stove and getting out our longies.

But still, it's June, isn't it?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Yes, it is June -- so what?"\\

Depraved Indifference

[Recycled from 25 September 2004]

That's the attitude displayed by Timothy McVeigh when he decided to go ahead and blow up the FBI headquarters, even though he knew it had a day care center. He didn't *intend* to kill any innocent little children (just "guilty" FBI agents), he just felt a depraved indifference to their suffering.

Do we know any other people like that?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "My lips are sealed."\\

You Can't Put the Handle Back on a Coffee Cup

[Recycled from 3 September 2004]

It's no good trying. Not superglue, not tiny holes drilled for posts, not globs of epoxy putty that make it look Flintstonian, nothing can restore a coffee cup once its handle has broken. You'd have a better chance with a cup that's broken across the cup part.

No matter how much you love that cup, you will never, ever be able to get the handle back on, even if it broke off in one piece.

Your choices are limited to:
1) Toss it. Look on eBay for another of the same thing.
2) Find some use for it other than as a coffee cup: a pen holder, a flower pot, &c.
3) Bury it in your garden on its side, with the nifty picture turned upward so you can see and admire it from time to time.

But for crying out sake, do NOT keep it sitting around forever with the fragments of the handle sitting in the cup while you think occasionally about new ways to waste your time and break your heart trying to mend it.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "There comes a time when you must cut your losses."\\

Don't Talk While Edward Cone is Interrupting

[Recycled from 23 August 2004]
Edward Cone
News & Record
8-22-04

There never was a golden age of polite discourse in American politics, a sad truth borne out by even cursory study of the libelous pamphleteers who helped found the Republic, the violent secessionists who tried to rip it apart and the campaign tactics of Jesse Helms.

Yet we seem to be reaching a new low in the way we speak to each other, except in terms of volume, which defined as either the amount of blather or the noise level thereof continues to hit new highs. On television and the Web, talk radio and the pages of newspapers, multiplex screens and the Senate floor, the art of persuasion has given way to bluster and tirade.

Well, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it right, so I'm offering up this guide to modern political speech. It's a bipartisan, multimedia template that works for any point of view on the partisan spectrum, in any venue. Forget talking points -- these are shouting points. Repeat after me:

I am right, and you are wrong.

You are not just wrong, you and those like you are intellectually insufficient and morally suspect. Why do you hate our country? Think of the children. God said to tell you that he is not pleased.

Stop interrupting me while I'm shouting. Feel the crushing weight of my arguments, which are built on logic and constructed from facts that are sturdy and sound. You just whine about how you feel.

Your information is flawed because it came from a source I know to be aligned with the forces of darkness. I am able to parse the media and edit what I see for bias and spin, while you are a gullible sap who believes everything you see on the TV or read in that wholly discredited rag you just quoted.

You speak in cliches, slogans and sound bites. I speak in pithy phrases and time-tested words of wisdom. You call names, I tell it like it is. You are vulgar, I am colorful.

My candidate is a hero. Yours is a zero. One cannot compare the youthful hijinks of my guy with the youthful wantonness of yours. My guy makes mistakes, yours commits sins of the worst kind. And likes it. My guy was misquoted, or simply misspoke, while your guy was caught on tape saying exactly what I expected him to say.

The mainstream flows right by my house while you live somewhere way out past the flood plain with the other weirdos. You are not in touch with the values of America, which I and those like me just happen to exemplify. You and your ilk have poisoned the culture, and I know the antidote.

The celebrities who celebrate your point of view are pinheads to whom we should pay no attention whatsoever. The celebrities who celebrate my point of view are concerned citizens who have done their homework and speak from the heart.

The most extreme example or action of an individual who agrees with any idea or position you favor will do just fine as a representation of your actual ideas or positions. The most extreme example of anyone or anything associated with my ideology shows that inclusiveness is a vital part of our message.

Your economic outlook is really a call for class warfare. You would bankrupt the country and sell the parts at auction.

Read the Constitution. It clearly shows whatever it is that I want it to show. Context, schmontext. A nugget, a morsel, a soundbite plucked from any source can serve to make my point. Your copy of the Bill of Rights is missing a few. The flag waves for me; tremble in its shadow.

Your attempt at humor reveals your narrow-minded bigotry. Your reaction to my own attempt at humor shows that you cannot take a joke.

I disagree with what you say, and I will defend to the death my right to tell you so. Jerk.

Edward Cone (www.edcone.com, efcone@mindspring.com) writes a column for the News & Record most Sundays.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Shut up!"\\

Lily-White Snowflake Babies, Anyone?

(Some of) the people loudly denouncing abortion have decided to live their (profession of) faith (sort of).

They are "adopting" frozen embryos left over from in-vitro fertilization procedures and having them implanted in their own bodies (or in the bodies of their wives, or other women whose bodies they control). They are soliciting for other women to do the same. Some women, anyway.

No lesbians need apply.

These people insist that every zygote has a right to a chance at life, however slim the chance, however miserable the life. Horrible medical conditions are not an excuse for abortion, they say. Neither is the likelihood of poverty or even abuse.

But apparently the prospect of being raised by lesbians is worse than any of those things.

So, either they are moral lunatics, or they are lying hypocrites looking to score cheap points.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "My cousin Magic Snow-Globe might know."\\

Back to the Firepit

It's summer again, and Waldy and his friends have revived the tradition of sitting around the firepit he dug in the back yard last year, talking late into the night over a fire. They still think a fire requires leaping flames, and that a well-established bed of coals is "embers", but they're learning.

It won't be quite as cozy as last year, since the street won't be torn up all summer long and thus our back yard will not be as quiet and "private", but it looks like the kids will be having a good time.

Good for them.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "John finally posted his vacation stories, in entries dated May 20th -22nd."\\

So You're Being Tortured To Death In An American Military Prison!

From Fafblog. Thanks to Supergee for twigging me to this one.
Q: Help! I'm being tortured to death in an American military prison! What should I do?
A: First of all, you should get your facts straight. You're not being tortured to death in an American military prison; you're being interrogated to death in an American detainment facility. America does not tolerate torture.

Q: Is there any sort of legal representative or due process I could get before being beaten to death?
A: No. Lawyers, open legal procedures, and basic civil liberties are all tools the enemy can use to escape justice - the justice of being beaten to death in a prison camp.
Q: It's just that my name is Musab Mohammed Khan, the pastry chef, and I believe you have me confused with Musab Muhammed Khan, the al Qaeda associate also known as "The Fist of Jihad."
A: First, there are many terrorist pastry chefs, just as there are many terrorist pastries. Second, competent intelligence and accurate prison records are both tools the enemy can use to escape justice.

Q: I seem to be losing all feeling in my lower body. Is there a doctor in the gulag?
A: Please: we find the term "gulag" absurd and offensive. A "gulag" is Russian. You are not being interrogated to death by Russians. You are being interrogated to death by the greatest country in the world.
Q: Is there a more accurate term you'd pre- aaaa! AAAAAAAA!
A: We prefer "outpost of liberty" or "island of freedom." Stringing together Guantanamo Bay, Abu Ghraib, and Bagram Airbase creates the Freedom Archipelago.
Q: So! Much! FreeedaaaAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGH!!!

Q: When I die in a few minutes, will my death help the cause of freedom?
A: Not really. But in a way, isn't death itself just freedom from life - the greatest prison of all?
Q: Wow... you've *HRAAACK* totally blown my mind - and my lung and ribcage and my kneecaps!
A: Oh, don't thank us - it's all part of being tortured to death in an American military prison!

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I'd prefer to be called a Magic Reliable Intelligence Source."\\

Human Trafficking

Yet another form of human trafficking: people who take in refugees and then sell them to American torture camps.

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=807914&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Would you like electrocuted testicles with that?"\\